Back to Art Again

I’ve decided to go ahead and end the GoFundMe for my grandma. It’s just not God’s will for us. I’m waiting to make sure the person who donated gets her refund and then I’ll delete it. Since I was using my blog to get the link out there, I’m going to quit doing that and let my blog go back to being about art again.

We’re trying to get set up with another hospice. So far, it seems like they’ve heard us about the severity of her handicap. The woman even finished my mom’s sentences which makes me think she was understanding our struggle and concerns for my grandma’s end of life needs.

They also have an office here in town. We knew nothing when this whole thing started and just went with the most popular option for our area. But now we are more familiar with how some of this works. And this hospice is smaller and family owned. I’m hoping they will be a better fit for us.

To anyone who has been praying, I want to thank you. And hopefully I can find more time and energy to devote to making artwork. That’s actually something me and my grandma share. Through her life she took photos. She took painting classes. She drew and wrote poems. As long as she’s not suffering, I’ll be able to relax.

She’s always supported me and my art so I know that it’ll make her happy to know that I’m able to focus on it.

I actually found a Yale art lecture series that I’d like to watch. I was able to watch half of the first lecture and it was so interesting. Maybe you’ll find it interesting too. It’s so important to study art because it can inspire us and make us better artists. It’s good for non artists too 😃

Trusting God Even During a Nightmare

Ok, as I sit here writing this I’m thinking that I’m just a big ‘ole baby. I want to come up with some well written and moving prose about how my situation is an unbearable nightmare and I can’t believe that God would ever treat my family this way. 

But how selfish can I be? I’m not homeless. I’m not hungry. I do live without some things that I need but for the most part I live in abundance. 

I’m so sorry that I panicked and just jumped online to beg for help. I’ve seen so many people raise money for a never ending amount of needs around the world, so I thought that’s how God wanted to provide for us. And I’m not one to ask for help. I hate asking for help. But I saw my grandma suffering and I just lost my mind and resorted to exploitation.  

I’ve been so proud of my grandma through all of this though. I’m usually so hard on her looking like some mean bully expecting her to do things for herself instead of coddling her. But this is why. At least she was still walking and she could use the bathroom on her own. She could prepare her own food and do the things she wanted to do. But thanks to the harm done while in the care of the medical community, she is now trapped. 

But again, I’m proud of my grandma. Through this whole experience she has continued to have faith in God. She keeps saying that we need to trust God…that God is in charge…that he’s our boss. And she’s right. Even when I complain and tell my boyfriend that God hates us, I know that’s not true. I know God loves us and He’s taking care of us even during such a dark time. 

I think it’s even more important to trust God during the hard times.

When I’m not bad mouthing Him, I’m saying the same things. I trust God and I’ll just accept His will no matter how bad it is. He’s the same God who allows free American’s to be executed in the streets for petty crimes (or no crime at all) by our police. He’s the same God who allows people to get sick from diseases and covid everyday. The same God who allows people to be so desperate to escape their situation that they will cross the border in dangerous ways to find any kind of refuge they can. 

That’s what life is like on our planet ever since Adam and Eve disobeyed God and we’ve had to suffer and toil. 

This whole situation is especially hard to deal with since I live in the moment. And these moments I’m living right now are some of the worst moments of my life. But I feel so happy and blessed to be able to show my grandma love during this time. She knows she has family she can trust who love her. And love never fails. It always perseveres.

If anyone reading this is also going through a nightmare, I hope that my experience can provide some kind of encouragement to help you get through it a little easier.