Back to Art Again

I’ve decided to go ahead and end the GoFundMe for my grandma. It’s just not God’s will for us. I’m waiting to make sure the person who donated gets her refund and then I’ll delete it. Since I was using my blog to get the link out there, I’m going to quit doing that and let my blog go back to being about art again.

We’re trying to get set up with another hospice. So far, it seems like they’ve heard us about the severity of her handicap. The woman even finished my mom’s sentences which makes me think she was understanding our struggle and concerns for my grandma’s end of life needs.

They also have an office here in town. We knew nothing when this whole thing started and just went with the most popular option for our area. But now we are more familiar with how some of this works. And this hospice is smaller and family owned. I’m hoping they will be a better fit for us.

To anyone who has been praying, I want to thank you. And hopefully I can find more time and energy to devote to making artwork. That’s actually something me and my grandma share. Through her life she took photos. She took painting classes. She drew and wrote poems. As long as she’s not suffering, I’ll be able to relax.

She’s always supported me and my art so I know that it’ll make her happy to know that I’m able to focus on it.

I actually found a Yale art lecture series that I’d like to watch. I was able to watch half of the first lecture and it was so interesting. Maybe you’ll find it interesting too. It’s so important to study art because it can inspire us and make us better artists. It’s good for non artists too 😃

Hospice Kicked Us Out

Thank God hospice kicked us out. At least the doctor said she’d still provide pain medicine. Apparently, my grandma was accepted into hospice because of dementia. Last I checked, hospice accepts you when you have 6 months or less to live. Dementia is not necessarily terminal in under 6 months. It’s called the LONG GOODBYE. You can live with it for a long time.

And when they refer to her handicap . . . they use air quotes . . . They say, “What ‘handicap’?”

No, it’s not “handicap.” It exists. She was born with it. Had it for 83 years. Walks with a limp and uses canes. And for an 83 year old, if it is left untreated as it was when she was in the medical “CARE” it becomes terminal.

It breaks down her digestive system. It causes her such intense pain. And all we asked was that they reduce her suffering caused by her handicap. Not to let us run out of medicine. Which they did over and over again. It didn’t matter how much we called or asked.

The aid who changed her diaper saw the pain. She was heartbroken. The weekend aid who isn’t apart of hospice noticed. She was crying. She couldn’t let it go. So, I don’t understand hospice.

I’m flabbergasted.

Feb. 18 this woman who was walking and aware, only went to the hospital to evacuate freezing temperatures. And she was given a death sentence by this corrupt organization. They had their records wrong from the very beginning. She never fell. They thought her “handicap” was because she had fallen. And dementia became the ONLY thing they could see. They ignored the one and only reason she is now bed ridden. The reason we called hospice.

She barely even has dementia. She has all her long term memories. She wasn’t leaving her keys in the fridge. Or forgetting how to dress. Or anything like that. She couldn’t keep track of the days so well. She actually kept track better than she gave herself credit for.

Her panic disorder in addition to being in her 80’s would cause her to forget short term things. But how is that dementia? It looks more like mental decline due to aging and stress and confusion caused by her panic disorder. It’s not that hard to understand. Well, it is pretty complicated. She probably does have dementia.

But that shouldn’t mean her lifelong handicap just vanishes.

I struggle to stay quiet during injustice. Especially, when my family member is being harmed. And after being yelled at so many times by hospice nurses, I finally started yelling back and calling them out on their injustices. And I promised my mom when they showed up today, I’d stay quiet and work on my drawing. And I did. Until she came and asked my opinion. And then I went off on them. It’s injustice. It’s inhumane.

But, I did at least lay down another layer of Inktense on this mushroom piece.

It’s my life It’s now or never But I ain’t gonna live forever

People have always said that I don’t know what hard is. I’ve had a few hard things happen in my life, but y’know what . . . those people were right. I have always lived a very pampered lifestyle. And I don’t know what a hard life actually is. I have a sunny California, Full House, Brady Bunch existence.

Until now. Since 2009, I have taken on more responsibility with my grandma. Everything was always on my mom because there was nobody else there to help. Her brother didn’t help. He ran away because he just couldn’t handle it. He was a mechanic but he couldn’t even help her with her car. It’s broke down. And my mom was just drowning in it. She needed help. It’s too much for one person.

And her other grandchildren aren’t around.

Her grandson, who she always speaks so highly of, hasn’t called her. He hasn’t sent a card. He doesn’t help her with hard labor that men are supposed to do. He just doesn’t do the grandson things for her. She hasn’t seen or heard from him in so long she thinks he’s dead.

So, after 12 years of helping this woman to walk. To have positive thinking. To get her groceries. To clean her house. To do everything.

It’s ruined my life.

That’s why my artwork has suffered for the last decade. I try to work on my art, but I’m just trudging along. My Internet is here at my grandmas because it’s not available where I live. I decided to make it work though, so I can be here to help her and do my work. But her needs always came first. I’d sit down and get started working and BOOM. There she is yelling very sternly, “Morgana!! Do you have a minute?!”

That minute just becomes the whole visit and I run home stressed out of my mind. And then I’d just do it all over again.

I love to help people. Especially my own family because I believe family should stick together. Help each other and be there for each other. But now that she can’t even walk and her digestive system has shut down. And she’s so crazy. Everyday, it’s non stop crazy. And she’s killing me. My health is suffering. My well being is suffering.

I now understand what hard is.

I’m so exhausted. My poor dog threw up yesterday. My mom goes home to sleep every night, and I stay here with my grandma. And I like to have Sunny with me, but it’s just gotten too hard on her. I can’t do that to my dog anymore.

It’s just non stop abuse from her. She screams and yells around the clock. I don’t understand why my life isn’t important. Why is her 83 year old life as a bed ridden elderly person who has dementia, and who has a lifetime handicap that causes her 24/7 pain. Which Hospice outright REFUSES to acknowledge her handicap.

“WHAT HANDICAP?!” They yell.

We reply, “Uuh, the obvious one…”

Come on. She has one leg that’s shorter than the other. Her pelvis is twisted and tilted. How can you miss it?!?! The mean nurse even changed her diaper and my grandma was scared and in pain. But you know what they do? They ignore it. They yell at us. They get mad at the drop of a hat. They say they didn’t hear her say she’s in pain. You may not believe me. But it is happening. For months now, we have been abused by these people.

I cannot understand it. I can’t even get donations on her stupid GoFundMe.

None of my friends have shared it or even been that concerned for me. One friend offered to share on FB and I let him. That day I had a ton of views and a few emails. One email was my cousin yelling at me and accusing me of things. But did she offer to help? Did she share the link? Did she donate? Did she come visit her aunt and her grandma and offer love and support?

No, she didn’t. She just attacked me.

My grandma’s dear friend, who gives me so much anxiety said she’d share the link. And she knows a guy who raised money before. She didn’t share it though. Just days before the winter storm, she was demanding we give her grandma’s insurance card, credit card, and demanded my mom stay away while she takes her to the doctor.

WHAT?! I don’t know who she thinks she is, but her interference has caused me to have nightmares. But does she help? Did she use her resources to help her dear friend who she says she loves? No.

Another friend, known him since we were 12, said he’d share the link. So I sent it to him, but he hasn’t replied and I don’t see traffic on my blog or the GoFundMe. So, I guess he didn’t share it and I’m not gonna beg. He hasn’t been a true friend to me for at least 5 years anyway. So, I don’t expect him to be there for me.

I even sent the link to church people. I’ve known these people for a long time, and we only ever hung out during church events. So, where are they? Why haven’t they sent the link? Or donated a small amount? Or just called? Maybe they’re praying.

I just don’t matter. She matters more than two college educated women who have potential for greatness.

She matters more than my innocent dog who just wants to have the good life she’s accustomed to. My god daughter doesn’t understand why I NEVER come over. I tried to explain it, but she’s 8 and she knows that I will show up because I always do. And this time I’m not showing up. So, I guess she doesn’t matter either. She took it ok the first 4 times she asked. But the last time she called, her voice let me know she’s mad and hurt.

Right this minute my grandma is yelling, “Please kill me God. Please! Kill me God.” And she just lays there screaming and yelling. So, I have been able to draw a little bit. And I’ve been working on my photography some. I’m running out of steam though.

But, it’s just not important.

My life is officially over. I just take care of a crazy person who can’t walk. She can’t digest food properly. She’s in pain. She’s begs her only granddaughter to kill her. The stress is destroying me as each month goes by. Hospice wont show compassion and work with us. Her weekend aid had compassion. She was crying yesterday. She was off the clock and stood there crying and wondering why Hospice isn’t helping. If only Hospice would show the compassion that aid showed.

I read this article about this man who actually had help, guidance, and compassion from Hospice. Why can’t we have that?

That’s my life. Great. Now I can’t get this song out of my head. I don’t even like it that much lol.

There’s the art I did that doesn’t matter. The guy yelling like a Nazi is one of the nurses. He yelled at me. He’s the one who said, “What handicap?” Yeaaa, he is one of the people who is traumatizing me.

The cupcake and mushrooms aren’t done. I’ve just put a few layers of Inktense pencils.

And the top three pictures are of Sunny listening to my grandma yelling. The second picture is of Sunny’s throw up. And the third picture is my grandma’s leg. You see how theres no muscle? That’s the damage that was done by the nursing home who neglected her and put us in our current situation. At least I have lots of terrible stuff to document for some art series.

A Top Tier Watercolorist

Woman with the Lamp (Glow of Hope) – S L Haldankar

Look at this painting…LOOK AT IT!

It’s watercolor!!

I never would have guessed that. I assumed it was oil. I just don’t associate this kind of color quality and depth with watercolor.

Apparently, Indian painter Sawlaram Lakshman Haldankar used watercolor because he was bad ass enough to do it.

Find out more about this masterpiece.

Do yourself a favor and look at this painting. Admire this man’s skill of a very difficult art medium and like this post if you’re as impressed as I am.

Taking a Hiatus from my Art and Blogs

The Texas winter storm hit me pretty hard. We’re ok . . . Just dealing with the aftermath.

We have a lot pipe damage. We thought it was just this one crack in the image, but after we fixed that we discovered so much more damage.

And when my grandmother lost electricity, she had to evacuate to the hospital.

So, I’ll just be taking a break from this blog, Sunny’s blog, and my photo blog.

If I get an opportunity to work on artwork and my blogs, I definitely will.

Chibi Drawing Practice

My interest in Chibi’s really got started when I was watching Hunter X Hunter with my boyfriend. I was slow to watching it because I thought it looked kinda lame. But I finally gave it a chance and it’s become one of my favorite anime’s. At the end of the episodes two of the characters show up in Chibi form and they’re SO CUTE!

I also love this style of conveying emotions. And now I wanna make my own! Below is some of my Chibi practice so far.

These next two are my most recent and I see a lot of improvement in them from when I started.

I don’t make their heads quite big enough, which throws everything off from there. They’re just SO CUTE! I love that one with his tongue sticking out. Who else watches Hunter X Hunter? Who’s your favorite characters?

I’ve also posted some snowy photography on my photo site, so go check that out.

Morgana’s Documentary Photography

Yay, my photography site is finally up. There’s only one gallery right now but I’ll be adding more throughout the year as I get them completed.

My First Photo Gallery

I decided to start with a gallery of Sunny, my dog. I’ve already made a lot of progress going through her photos for her blog, so it seemed like a good place to start.

I shoot the banal so some series you can expect to see will be:

  • Doors
  • Windows
  • Fans
  • Shoes
  • Cars
  • Bicycles
  • People’s Stuff

Stuff like that . . .

Thanks for checking it out and don’t forget to follow.

Athlete Figure Drawings

I’m a Dallas Cowboy’s fan. Sean Lee and Dez Bryant are two of my favorite players. And of course, I’m a Nadal and Djokovic fan. But the sports I enjoy most are the unique ones and the ones that showcase strength.

Some of my favorites are shot put, discus throw, power lifting, etc.

Warm Up Sketches

I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy about the weight cutting I gave him 😂.

This was harder to draw than I expected.

The One-Hand Reach

While searching for poses to draw, I discovered the World Eskimo-Indian Olympics. Have you ever heard of Knucking Hopping? Or Indian Stick Pull? They have all kinds of sports that showcase skill sets for survival and endurance. It’s cool stuff. Check it out. I chose this pose because I liked the overall triangular shape:

Frank Stelges Copyright 2015

I have a lot of mistakes . . . but progress is being made. Yay!

Some Tips to Remember

Figure drawing doesn’t have to be too intimidating.

  • Warm up with gesture sketches.
  • Break your image down into basic shapes.
  • Pay attention to your negative space.
  • Stand up periodically and look at your drawing from a distance.

And don’t get discouraged when you make mistakes, just pay attention to your problem areas and try again. For more tips.

Proko has a ton of free content on youTube that you should check out too. I found the Bean Method to be very helpful.

Figure Sketch of Nadal

I’m not really a tennis fan. I just like the matches between Rafa Nadal and Novac Djokovic. Many years ago when I discovered these athletes I became obsessed. I remember one morning waking up around 8 and I got so excited there was a match on.

It went on forever.

I needed to shower.

I needed to eat.

Finally around 1 there was a weather delay so I could quickly take care of those pesky needs. I’m happy if either player wins, but I root for Nadal. I love his athleticism and his sportsmanship. (I don’t think he’s ever pulled a McEnroe lol.)

I even read a book about him which was pretty interesting. He got a very bad injury at such a young age. But he’s still great.

I’ve been enjoying watching the Nadal and Djokovic matches lately. And I thought Nadal would be fun to draw since he’s ALL OVER THAT COURT. He’s also upped his game which I love.

Tennis – Monte Carlo Masters – Monaco, 13/04/2016. Rafael Nadal of Spain plays a shot to Aljaz Bedene of Britain. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

Fun Fact: He has the date 4.13.16 on his shoes to commemorate Kobe Bryant’s last game before he retired. Federer did the same thing. Kobe is another favorite athlete of mine. I lived in Southern California when Kobe was just starting out and watched the Lakers with my dad. (My third word was Magic, btw. LOL sorry Kobe RIP)

I got a little off topic there. So, here’s my graphite sketch.

It’s not bad. Much better than my figure drawing attempts back in July. (So bad, I won’t be sharing those today or maybe EVER.) My measuring is a bit off but not by much. And I’m happy I managed to get the twists in his legs. That’s so hard to do.

I thought this pose was hard?! He’s got some way crazier poses for me to try. I could keep working on this one, but I think it’d be better to just start a new one, and maybe on bigger paper. Sometimes, I feel so cramped on small paper. I need lots of room . . . don’t fence me in lol.

Inktober is Almost Over – Two More Days!

I drew Nadal yesterday, and used his shoes to fulfill my Inktober requirements. I sure am ready for the end of this challenge. Today is ominous, and I have no idea what I wanna draw.

So, who’s your favorite tennis player?

Let me know in the comments and check out my Instagram feed to see all the Inktober drawings I’ve done. Check out the other artists on there too because there are some really cool and inspirational Inktober drawings.

Finding Inspiration in Portrait Painter Kehinde Wiley

Until recently, I never really noticed the official portraits of the president’s of the United States of America before. Did you know that former President Richard Nixon’s portrait was painted by Norman Rockwell? That’s actually pretty comical. You might recognize the name of painter, Chuck Close, who did the scary pixelated portrait of former President Bill Clinton.

FDR

Douglas Chandor, Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1945). Courtesy of the National Portrait Gallery.

And my favorite is the portrait of FDR, painted by Douglas Chandor. I like all the hands, the pencil drawing in the corner, the simple background, the rich depth of color, and how the suit was painted.

Portrait Painter Kehinde Wiley

The most recent presidential portrait of former President Barack Obama was painted by the talented Kehinde Wiley. I read an article on variety.com that said the background is made of foliage representing his Chicagoan, Hawaiian, and Kenyan roots. This colorful 7′ tall portrait made me curious about the artist.

obama

Kehinde Wiley, Barack Obama (2018). Courtesy of the National Portrait Gallery.

A Combo of High Renaissance, late French Rococo, and the 19th century

I looked him up and discovered some really impressive artwork. His skill shows that he has a lot of training. He often recreates artwork from historical master painters, and updates them according to the statements he wants to make. I like his version of Jacques-Louis David’s painting, Napoleon Crossing the Alps

acques_Louis_David nap on alps

Jacques-Louis David’s version

He used the same composition as the original but with a few changes. In a detail, you can see his humor represented through little sperm swimming around in the background. I love the clothes his random and anonymous subject is wearing. And the gold frame is so impressive. I would hang that in my house. 

While his statements are interesting, thought provoking, powerful, and contribute to the final look of his art; I’m really attracted to the visual part of his paintings. Just stare at the two paintings and study them for a while. 

framed wiley painting

Kehinde Wiley, Napoleon Leading the Army over the Alps, 2005, oil paint on canvas, 274.3 x 274.3 cm (108 x 108 in) (Brooklyn Museum of Art, New York) © Kehinde Wiley

His work is intricate, bold, strikingly colorful, powerful, and beautiful. He’s definitely a contemporary artist worth studying. He shows you how to be inspired by other artists and also how to make it your own. He started making strong statements through his artwork while studying at Yale. And he gets to go down in history as a portrait painter for an American President. Check out his confident self portrait of him in his studio at his website.

Controversy

As always in art and anything really, controversy follows Wiley’s portrait of the former President. I think that’s what makes art great though; it stirs up conversation and ideas.

What do you think about Kehinde Wiley’s portrait of Mr. Obama? The former President seemed to like it, and was his usual joking self poking fun at his ears and gray hair, while complimenting the integrity of the painter. 

How about that? Pretty sharp. – President Obama, upon viewing his portrait