Hospice Makes You Suffer

The entire time we’ve been dealing with Hospice, they have been very insistent on using drugs on my grandmother that she responds badly to. They make her suffer and they don’t actually address the symptoms that she does have.

The Suffering She Experiences on Those Drugs

  • Increased Anxiety
  • Increased Confusion
  • Increased Aggression
  • Obsessiveness
  • Heaviness

That’s only a few but it’s more than enough. She always responds this way and these bad reactions are always ignored and dismissed. My grandma hates the drugs and demands to get rid of them. She even throws them. She refuses them because they make her feel worse.

Incompetency and Negligence

That’s what you get with Hospice. Every time, with zero exceptions, the nurse’s records have been wrong. There was a computer error apparently….every single time. Regardless of the multiple excuses they’ve used, they’re just not able to get my grandmother’s information right. They always have the wrong drugs listed and the drugs she does need are not listed.

Which is very unprofessional and dangerous.

Am I confused? Isn’t it kind of important to be careful when using drugs and dealing with a human being?

Needless to say, I got so upset. I can’t take the incompetency anymore. I feel like I’m in war and I’m getting battle fatigue. We tried to clarify the records with the nurse and she got so upset with our conversation she was ready to run away. She asked me, “Will you let me go fix this?”

I responded, “Let you? I expect you to. This is your job. You’re getting paid. Yes, please get the records right. And please manage her symptoms so that we can reduce her suffering.”

She looked at me dumbfounded.

Symptoms We Need Managed

  • Excruciating pain caused by her handicap that increases daily.
  • No sleep. She doesn’t sleep. So, some kind of sleeping aid.

When she told us the doctor she was going to speak to my heart sank. Because this doctor LOVES anti-psychotics. She’s having multiple affairs with these drugs. It’s her go-to drug for every single ailment. I predicted that she would prescribe an anti-psychotic. And what did she do?

She prescribed an anti-psychotic!! FOR SLEEP! I’m not an expert on drugs but I’ve heard Insomnia by The Dirty Heads and there’s tons of options that aren’t anti-psychotics!

What Else Did the Good Doctor Do?

She reduced her pain medicine from every 4 hours to twice a day. And said to supplement with morphine.

So, for the past 3 days her pain as increased to the point where she can’t move.

  • She cries.
  • She whimpers.
  • She can’t sit up.
  • She can’t even speak.

I can’t help but feel we’re being punished. Or I just sound paranoid.

We called today to report it and the nurse told us to wait about an hour for the morphine to kick in.

Uuuhhhhhh….don’t you know how morphine works?!? A tolerance builds up and it becomes less effective over time and something needs to be changed.

They refuse though.

I don’t know what to do. I really thought that Hospice was supposed to help reduce suffering in a person’s dying days. I was wrong. We have told them she’s suffering so they reduced her pain meds. I just don’t get it.

This poor woman is being neglected by the same corrupt medical system who neglected her and made her bed ridden in the first place. I guess 83 year olds have rationed care no matter what, even in death.

It’s Just So Heartbreaking

And it’s infuriating. Our world is corrupt. I know it. You know it. The leader’s know it. Everyone knows it. I still haven’t gotten anymore donations on her Go Fund Me page. And I understand. You really have no reason to donate. You don’t know me or my grandma. I’m sure you have your own problems. You probably have your own family members who are dealing with some kind of corruption or mistreatment in our society.

And maybe donations just aren’t the way God wants to provide for us.

I think if she could be in a facility, they could go ahead and use their dangerous and inhumane treatment and get it done a lot faster. I personally can not knowingly put my grandma through that kind of treatment. But they can. And they are trained to do it.

Ultimately, I just need her pain and suffering to stop. I pray that God let’s her rest in peace and welcomes her with open arms. And I’m going to continue trying with the Go Fund Me.

The Power of Giving

Altruism is very powerful. It changes the world. And humans naturally feel good when they’ve done a good deed. I’m not Mrs. Popularity and I don’t have social media. I don’t know anyone. So, I am depending on the kindness of strangers to donate a small amount.

I am also depending on other Christians. We’re all apart of the body of Christ and it’s our duty to help each other in times of need.

I do.

I donate money and my time whenever I can. So, there’s gotta be some karma coming back to me. Thousands of small amounts can add up to the amount we need to get her the treatment she needs in her dying days.

Thanks for reading.

Please Share Donate & Pray

And if you don’t wanna donate to this cause then please find somewhere else that you can spread a little humanity to. Stand up to the corruption, the injustice, and just plain wrong treatment of human beings. I know we’re not the only one’s going through this in our sinking ship of a society.

Polish Artist Zdzislaw Beksinski – Grim Yet Optimistic and Humorous

Have you ever thought about how you’ll die?

I haven’t. I really don’t think about death unless it’s brought up to me. I’m sure there’s people out there who wanna go down in a blaze of glory. And other people who just wanna go peacefully in their sleep. Me? I’ll NEVER DIIIIEEEE!!!

I’m always fascinated when I hear about someone being killed in an instant over something so petty. By some heinous act in a moment of desperation.

YouTube suggested a video about Polish artist Zdzislaw Beksinski…I’m assuming the word “Nightmare” popped up in the lil algorithm. Turns out the guy was stabbed to death by a 19 year old punk over chump change.

He’s What I Think of as a “Real Artist”

Beksinski
  • Untitled – He didn’t title his work which I like because naming your art is one of the hardest and time consuming things. I like seeing other artists who don’t, and their reason behind choosing to leave them untitled…or lack of reason…
  • Passionate – He was a prolific artist in sculpture, photography, drawing, and painting. You can spend a lot of time looking at and discussing his art. He also liked listening to his music too loud while painting with intensity.
  • Busy – He claims he had no art training. But he had an architecture degree which requires drawing skills, soooo….that probably helped. Beksinski created art from the late 50’s all the way to his murder.

And he also experimented with digital art in the 90’s. Wait, there’s gotta be…*searching google*…

*GASP!*

There’s a movie about this guy. Gosh, I’m so ignorant. I’ve known nothing about this painter ’till yesterday! The trailer looks interesting.

3 of My Favorites

He’s got so many captivating paintings that it’s hard to choose favorites. But these three paintings stood out the most to me.

Sun in the House of Scorpion – Blood of Kingu

This One Freaks Me Out

Ugh, it’s so gross. I hate it. Mouths being sewn shut have always scared me. And her stomach is so gross. And I hate the ugly underwear and tutu dress. And it’s like she’s staring right at me while being weird. Still a good painting with good use of color.

Rem – Death Note

They’re not twins but she reminds me of Rem from Death Note. I don’t like Rem. She’s so depressed sounding and pathetic looking. She makes me cringe the same way that painting does.

More Info on the Artist

His art has been used on Metal album covers. And he’s got home videos and other good stuff on youTube. Some interesting info on the artist with photos.

Torch It!

Speaking of “real artist.” I read on wikipedia, that he burned a bunch of his artwork in his backyard because they were either too personal or unsatisfactory and he didn’t want anyone to see them. I love that.

I love when the opportunity for passionate destruction presents itself in the process of creation.

The Cycle of Life

Do you ever think about the cycle of life? 

I do. There are 12 Developmental Stages in the human life cycle. I’m in Stage 8, early adulthood. While my grandma is in Stage 12 death and dying. 

Those in our lives who are dying, or who have died, teach us about the value of living.  They remind us not to take our lives for granted, but to live each moment of life to its fullest, and to remember that our own small lives form of a part of a greater whole.  – Dr. Armstrong

That’s one reason why I’m so interested in the banal and just living a simple life. Because living in the moment is one of the best ways to fully experience the whole cycle of life. And we don’t have to wait ’till we’re dying to figure that out. 

Genesis 1-3 is so interesting to me, but I feel like there’s so much more to the story. So, I read it again and again hoping to get some more understanding about our creation. 

Tempted by Peer Pressure

That day in the garden when Eve was deceived by the crafty serpent and led herself and her man astray, that’s the day we were cut off from the tree of life. We had access to it and every other tree in the garden…except for that one tree…the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And Adam wasn’t man enough to get control over his woman when she didn’t stand up to that serpent. 

Was she even listening to God when he told her how to handle the trees? When the serpent asked her “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” She just carried on a conversation with the deceptive dude and he was much more clever. 

Instead of clarifying what God really said, she said something about not eating or even touching the tree in the middle or you’ll die. That answer right there opened the door for the serpent to beguile her. Why didn’t she just say, “Well, let’s just go ask God what He said.”?

Matthew 4 shows a good example of how to respond when being asked about what God really said.

Shame and Fear

Then when God asked them about it, they hid from Him, they lied, they made excuses, and they played the blame game. 

We were not ready for the responsibility of that kind of wisdom gained from knowledge of good and evil. Maybe one day we would have been but not yet. And now we’re stuck in a constant battle of good vs evil. In everyday life, in movies and in books. In everything.

Gustave Doré  Adam and Eve Driven out of Eden
engraving 1865

There’s some crazy stuff in the Bible, like some of the creatures God created. He cut us off from accessing the tree of life by placing cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth. I’m assuming we’ll get access again one day, I dunno.

And I guess that’s why we have this fleeting cycle of life. We go through the aging process and die and return to the ground from where we came. And while we go through the aging process, I guess our society decided to make some bank.

Like Eve, I’m also drawn to wisdom. I think it looks pleasing too.

Wisdom

My grandma was telling me about how she’s had a hard life but she loved it. She said if you can learn, then you can do anything. As a child, the doctors told her she’d never walk. That she would need surgery. And as a young adult they said she’d be in a wheelchair by the time she was 40. Well, she’s 83 and never had surgery and never used a wheelchair. 

Doctors don’t know shit. They apparently have a very low opinion of what humans can accomplish.

She was also talking about her husband and how he’s the only man she ever wanted. They met on a blind date and he didn’t want some floozy. He wanted a good girl who was feisty and could handle a wild guy like him. And that’s what he got. They had one of those story book romance loves. They definitely had struggles, but it was true love. 

And she told me she wouldn’t change one thing.

I think that’s beautiful and we should all try to live our lives with this attitude. So, maybe we are stuck living in a fleeting life but there’s so much living to do in that natural cycle of life. Even in my grandma’s dying days, her state of mind is to live each day she’s alive. 

She is my Grandma Again

We spent a little more than a month raging against the machine until we were finally heard and they took her off the bad medicine that the FDA says not to give elderly people with dementia. And they put her back on the treatment she had before she went to the hospital.

First Good Day April 16

Last night was the first good night where she got a few hours of sleep. She’s an insomniac and hasn’t slept during this entire debacle. And this morning was the first truly good morning. She was in pain and felt some anxiety but she got control of it fast and worked with me. The confusion has decreased so much and her symptoms are being managed better.

She’s having her first good day where she can manage her anxiety with the right medicine that has worked for decades. And she’s using her behavior techniques that always work for her and should always be accompanied with medicine.

Trial and Error

That’s what the nurses say when we don’t want to use dangerous drugs. “It’s trail and error…blah blah blah.” They’ve been attempting their trial and error drug experiments for a long time but my mom protects her by accompanying her to her doctor appointments.

One doctor told my mom she was being “Nit-picky” when she gave reasons for not accepting these drugs.

Nit-Picky Concerns:

  • What if she falls?
  • What if she responds badly to them because she always has when tried in the past?
  • What about the Black Box Label that says not to give to elderly dementia patients?

I don’t know why they wanted her to be treated for dementia sooooo badly and prescribe such dangerous treatment. Are they trying to increase mortality rates? Or are they that stupid and dependent on using drugs?

One Hospice worker said we should just mix the medicine into her food because my grandma was rejecting the bad drugs that didn’t work and made her feel bad.

Are you freaking kidding me?

She trusts us and we have to show her respect. There’s no way we were going to do that. My grandmother does show signs of very early dementia but most of her behavior is based on her Panic disorder, which just get’s ignored by these people.

And she’s so aware that even while being drugged by them, she knew which pill was her pain medicine. 

She Needs a Nurse Aid 

I don’t want her going back to a facility where they mistreat human beings.

A better choice would be to pay for more at-home care so that she can have a trained professional change her diaper and keep her clean. They can be here to help her with medical needs 24/7 and we can be here as her family to protect her. We can also have an easier time leaving and running errands and taking care of our daily demands. And she can stay in her home where’s she been for 30 years.

But she needs a Nurse Aid who is trained to deal with her incontinence care and physical handicap. It’s also less expensive than a facility.

So, I am going to continue her GoFundMe to pay for that in specific. That’s all we need. We don’t know exactly how long we’ll need it. Could be up to 6 months. Even if we only have 12 hour care during the night, that does add up and is going to be too expensive for my grandma or us to afford. 

Brutal Honesty

You might be wondering why we can’t just pay for it. Over the past two decades we’ve been hit hard by the economy. Our family home needs repairs we can’t afford. We have two classic cars and a truck that we can’t afford to repair. And a variety of other things that just keep building up. And my identity was stolen and that hurt me pretty bad. We pay the bills and we buy the groceries but we can’t afford the medical care for my grandma. And we’re not going into debt to pay for it.

Muchos Gracias

I want to thank everyone who has been praying. We’ve had neighbor’s stop by and other people telling us how they’re praying. I know that God and all the prayers are what’s getting us through this. 

So, This is Common?

That’s what the Hospice workers keep telling us. 

My grandma does ok at times. But every morning she wakes up in such extreme pain that she begs me to cut off her legs. She cries out to God asking why He won’t let her die. She lashes out at me. She refuses the medicine, sometimes throwing it at me. She calls me names. 

It’s ok, I can handle her. I’m not taking it personally because I know she’s in pain and being affected by the medicine that we fought so hard against. 

But really? This is common?! Why aren’t we outraged? Why aren’t we doing something about it?

How can we as Americans, and as humans, just stand by and allow this type of thing to be common? I’m not a powerful person. I have no influence in this world. I don’t do social media. I can’t even raise a small amount of money to get my grandma back into the same facilities that broke her in the first place.

Do I even want her in their “care” again? I don’t really know. Maybe they should be expected to finish the damage that they started.

We have to fight so hard to get her proper care for the symptoms she has, that the medical people ignore, and to get them to listen that DRUGS AREN’T ALWAYS THE ANSWER! 

They are often the problem.

I grew up at the time when the D.A.R.E. program came to our school to teach us to resist drugs. I know they meant street drugs. But doctor given drugs are just as dangerous and often times, that’s where a person’s drug problem starts.

Or restarts after a person has found sobriety. I read in Scar Tissue, that Anthony Kiedis was clean and then a dentist visit allowed him to slip.

I’m so sorry. I feel very passionate about staying off drugs or at least being very careful when they might be necessary. I struggle to stay quiet in the face of social injustice. This type of thing should not be common. Especially when dealing with medical care. They take an oath to do no harm.

How many of you have been harmed by the medical community?

Not My Grandma Anymore

A Crazy and Wild Roller Coaster

One of the hardest things about this situation is that she just isn’t my grandma anymore. With the dementia symptoms increasing and the different drugs they’ve put her on, she has gotten worse and become different.

They stopped the treatment she had before all this started, so those symptoms are just not being dealt with.  

The doctors and nurses are convinced that her dementia is so bad and all they can offer are drugs. Every time we call about symptom management their response is, “Have you given her the drugs?”

She reacts so badly to some of them that we have angered everyone by fighting against using them. But our persistence finally got through, and they were able to prescribe something that she responds ok to. At least for a short time. Drugs never last long once tolerance builds up. 

And I’m scared that the usage of drugs has just compounded problems. She has more lucid moments than they want to believe. They think we don’t know what we’re talking about. But we know her.

But, that’s all they can offer.

We’re looking into discontinuing them and trying to go back to her previous treatment. We haven’t even been allowed to speak to her doctor about finding the appropriate treatment. What if they’re wrong? It could be dementia…or drugs…or a third factor…or the treatment she needs that they refuse to give her…or maybe a combo platter…

Nursing Home Neglect and Abuse

And aside from that, her handicap just makes me cry. I saw her emaciated body today when the aid was cleaning her. This was the first time I saw her whole body and she looks like a starving Ethiopian, minus the bloated belly. She’s so bony. And she has no muscle tone in her legs or arms. She’s not starving though. It’s just the result of being left in a bed for too long. That’s what happens when the elderly don’t receive the proper care they need.

We were speaking to my grandma’s neighbor yesterday and found out that his wife’s mother was abused at the exact same nursing home my grandma was at. So, it’s not just us who had a bad experience with them.

I wish there was something that could be done before they harm more people.

Getting Better in Hospice

I’ve been told that people can improve in Hospice. I got confused one night because she actually stood for 3 seconds. And I got scared and wondered if we weren’t listening to God.

Can she get better?

Should we be trying to exercise her?

I figured there was no hope since she was in a Rehabilitation center for weeks where they weren’t able to exercise her. And that’s where she was when Hospice accepted her. 

So, I wasn’t expecting it. There was one night when she tried for a whole hour to stand. She thought she was just too afraid so she persisted. And for the whole hour she didn’t give up. Until she finally got so tired she was forced to quit trying. I had prayed over her earlier that day because I kept feeling confused about the situation. And I guess she heard my prayer and tried to stand up in faith. 

But no. After I saw her body today, I am convinced that she will never walk again. She’s too old and too tired. Nine years ago she had to go through some rehab physical therapy. With the physical therapist and her daughter on her daily, she recovered and regained her strength in about three months. It was almost impossible for her then, but she did it.

Now, there’s just no way she can do it.  

Waiting for God’s Timing

I don’t know how much longer God is going to make her wait before He let’s her rest in peace. He’s taken so much from her. Her ability to walk. Her mind. Her protection from drugs. Her enjoyment of truly living. Most of her family.

She still has life in her. I’ve always said that she’s got a lot of Qi…more than people in their 30’s. And she’s still got that Qi, because I don’t think it’s actually her time to go. But everything has been taken from her. All that’s left at this point is the breath of life. 

And she’s ready to go rest with Jesus and her husband. It breaks my heart every time she cries out to God, asking why he won’t just take her. If you’re reading this, I ask that you keep my grandmother in your prayers. Whatever God’s will is for her. I don’t even know if God wants her in a facility, but just in case, here’s her GoFundMe.

The Point of my Current Blog Focus

Living in a Surreality

Dorothea Tanning, Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, 1943 – I chose this surreal painting because it’s about confrontation.

Since the Winter Storm on Feb. 15, my life has been completely taken over by crisis after crisis. We lost power and running water for over a month. I didn’t complain. I was just happy that we had somewhere safe and close to go.

Then Feb. 18, my grandma had to evacuate when she lost her power. When our power finally came on, we saw that we had extensive pipe damage. And we couldn’t even get an appointment for 3 weeks.

Same thing at my grandma’s. The nursing home was determined to get rid of her, even though her insurance covered 90 days, which she did not get. We tried to appeal it since she still didn’t have water and we had to wait for the plumbers to be available.

We lost the appeal

The day she was going to be returned to us, the social worker at the rehab center yelled at us for not getting the plumbing done. She ended up calling the company and that morning we got it fixed.

Now, my life has completely stopped to take care of my grandma. When she came home she was so bad off that I thought she’d be dead in a week. We said our goodbyes and we helped her come to terms with what was happening. By the time our 5 day respite care arrived, we figured she’d die in their care. Especially, since they were very insistent on using black box labeled drugs.

But she’s still not dead. It’s just dragging on. And we can’t help but give life. We have life giving energy. So, she’s just trapped in a mind and a body that don’t work. And I can’t keep putting my life on hold. But I’m exhausted and I can’t find the concentration to work on art or anything productive like that.

Caregiving

I’m not actually a caregiver. I’m her granddaughter. But I have been forced into a situation where I am an untrained and unpaid Hospice worker. And it’s important for caregivers to take care of themselves. At first, I didn’t. I neglected myself, especially since she required so much care at first. Things have settled down a bit and she’s aware that we need to live our lives too. And she tries to let us.

That’s why I’m focusing on the GoFundMe Fundraiser. And I thought that maybe I could use my blog to help with that and possibly provide something productive. So, that’s what I’m gonna try to do.

Trusting God Even During a Nightmare

Ok, as I sit here writing this I’m thinking that I’m just a big ‘ole baby. I want to come up with some well written and moving prose about how my situation is an unbearable nightmare and I can’t believe that God would ever treat my family this way. 

But how selfish can I be? I’m not homeless. I’m not hungry. I do live without some things that I need but for the most part I live in abundance. 

I’m so sorry that I panicked and just jumped online to beg for help. I’ve seen so many people raise money for a never ending amount of needs around the world, so I thought that’s how God wanted to provide for us. And I’m not one to ask for help. I hate asking for help. But I saw my grandma suffering and I just lost my mind and resorted to exploitation.  

I’ve been so proud of my grandma through all of this though. I’m usually so hard on her looking like some mean bully expecting her to do things for herself instead of coddling her. But this is why. At least she was still walking and she could use the bathroom on her own. She could prepare her own food and do the things she wanted to do. But thanks to the harm done while in the care of the medical community, she is now trapped. 

But again, I’m proud of my grandma. Through this whole experience she has continued to have faith in God. She keeps saying that we need to trust God…that God is in charge…that he’s our boss. And she’s right. Even when I complain and tell my boyfriend that God hates us, I know that’s not true. I know God loves us and He’s taking care of us even during such a dark time. 

I think it’s even more important to trust God during the hard times.

When I’m not bad mouthing Him, I’m saying the same things. I trust God and I’ll just accept His will no matter how bad it is. He’s the same God who allows free American’s to be executed in the streets for petty crimes (or no crime at all) by our police. He’s the same God who allows people to get sick from diseases and covid everyday. The same God who allows people to be so desperate to escape their situation that they will cross the border in dangerous ways to find any kind of refuge they can. 

That’s what life is like on our planet ever since Adam and Eve disobeyed God and we’ve had to suffer and toil. 

This whole situation is especially hard to deal with since I live in the moment. And these moments I’m living right now are some of the worst moments of my life. But I feel so happy and blessed to be able to show my grandma love during this time. She knows she has family she can trust who love her. And love never fails. It always perseveres.

If anyone reading this is also going through a nightmare, I hope that my experience can provide some kind of encouragement to help you get through it a little easier. 

We Need GoFundMe because Grandma Doesn’t Qualify for Medicaid

Thank you for the first donation

First off, I’d like to thank my first donator. I hope you don’t mind me using your name, but Crystal Fuller got the ball rolling. Thank you so much for your kindness. I can’t tell you how blessed I feel by your generosity.

My Grandma’s GoFundMe

I also want to thank the people who have sent me messages through Go Fund Me. I appreciate your concern and prayers. And I’d like to alleviate any misunderstandings of why we can’t take advantage of the free Hospice facilities. We are using the Hospice of East Texas out of Tyler. She has been accepted into Hospice At-Home Care with them. It’s not very convenient because it takes over an hour for the employees to get to her home but we were told they’re the best.

A Little Background Info

Husband and Wife – Clyde and Mary

In 1988 before my grandpa died from asbestos poisoning, he made sure that his wife would be taken care of for the rest of her life. It’s not much, especially since he died in the 20th century when the cost of living was so much less expensive than it is today. But it was enough to pay her bills until she dies, which are low. There’s also enough to cover some medical needs and her burial. 

She wants to be buried next to her husband at Old North Church in Nacogdoches, Tx.

Her Dead Husband’s Grave

He didn’t prepare for this though. He never would have imagined that her Medicare insurance for the elderly wouldn’t be enough to take care of her elderly medical needs. We all know how complicated insurance is these days. And we all know how little it actually covers. 

Why Do We Need Donations?

I want you to understand what you’re donating for. My grandma does not qualify for Medicaid. She’s not rich. But the preparations her husband made to take care of her after he died, stop her from being able to qualify.

  • We’ve had three social workers exhaust their options.
  • My mom has researched her butt off and ran into the same obstacles as the social workers.
  • We even spoke to a lawyer who also told us there’s nothing we can do to qualify. 

She’s stuck in a Catch 22. Not poor enough to qualify for Medicaid, and not rich enough to pay for the facility. Without Medicaid, we just cannot afford the cost of a facility. In some locations the prices are a little lower and we wouldn’t be able to afford those lower prices either. In our area, we are looking at about $60,000 a year or more. I’m not sure how long she needs, but I’m guessing under 6 months.

What does Hospice Provide for Us?

  • A nurse visits once a week. 
  • An aid visits only during the week once a day to clean her including the cleaning supplies.
  • They provide medicine. 
  • We also get 5 days of respite care each month. My grandma gets transported to a nursing home, so that the family can get 5 days of rest. That’s what her insurance covers. 

Paying out of Pocket

Since Hospice doesn’t send an aid out on weekends, we have to pay for that out of pocket. Just to give you an idea. We can only afford one hour for each day. At first, we were going to get 4 hours but we just can’t afford it. Maybe once or twice. But if we do that every single weekend we’re going to run out of money fast. So, we do the bare minimum. 

If we pay for someone to give her pain and dementia medicine, we can’t even afford one time. Because she get’s it daily more than once and it’s over $100 for each time. So, that’s just not an option. It’s so important for her to be administered these drugs in a facility. We work hard to do it right, but we are not a substitute for trained professionals. 

She also does not allow us to clean her up. She has incontinence and that is getting worse because it’s directly damaged by her handicap. Her handicap is located in her pelvis and legs and now her spine because the scoliosis is starting to spread. 

Family as Caregivers

Her family is just me and my mom. The picture below was a gift my grandpa gave to his wife and daughter – a trip to Hawaii because she always wanted to go there. And they met Don Ho and had dinner together.

Don Ho, Mary, and her Daughter

My grandma’s family is all gone . . . all of her siblings have died, except for one. But he’s elderly, out of town, and not available to help. She lost her younger sister who stayed in touch with her all the time through phone calls, mail, and she came to visit regularly.

Her Sister – My Aunt Herminia with her husband Dale

She died the same year my grandma’s son died which was almost two years ago. Everyone knows how hard it can be for a parent when their child dies before them. And his children are dealing with his death and other health problems that just make it impossible for them to add more to their burden.

So basically our lives have stopped. We are doing nothing but caring for my grandma 24/7. I’ve abandoned my home. My work. My dad. My boyfriend. My friends. My godchildren. My own health and well – being. 

My poor dog Sunny has been uprooted from her happy and stress free life in the country to being in town with loud town noises. She feels our stress and while she makes a wonderful therapy dog for us and for my grandma, it’s just taken a toll on her. And her breed is prone to getting a hole in the heart when they get older. The vet told us 3 years ago, because it showed up. I do my best to pray over her daily and always make sure she gets her walks and eats healthy.

Sunny using her Beagle nose

I want her to live a long healthy life. But we are struggling to give her that extra love and care right now. 

What Can You Do?

  • Share the link with everyone you can think of.
  • Donate what you can. $1, $5, $20. Whatever you can afford and feel comfortable with. Every little bit counts and adds up.
  • Pray. If you can’t donate, I understand. But we always appreciate prayer.

Grandma’s GoFundMe

I hope that helps everyone know why we can’t afford the Hospice care in a facility. Thank you for reading, sharing, donating, and praying. Sometimes we have to help each other out in this world where so many people are struggling.

My Heartbreaking Reality

I’m sad to say that I haven’t been able to do any artwork. No drawing. No photography. No nothing. The only thing I am doing is caring for my grandmother 24/7.

I’m happy to help my family but this isn’t just helping. I’ve actually been helping my grandma for years now. I live in the country where high speed Internet isn’t available. So, I use the Internet at her house and I help her with things like cleaning, grocery shopping, and other stuff like that. We also help her with her bills and everything important. With our help she has been able to live independently.

Who is my grandma?

She’s a warrior. Her name is Mary and she’s 83. She’s a widow and all of her siblings and even her son has died.

She hasn’t had the easiest life but she loves God and she overcomes everything that she faces. She was born with a handicap called Hip Dysplasia and Shorter Leg Syndrome. The treatment for this handicap is daily exercise and physical therapy. And as I said, she’s been living independently. She is very active and makes sure that she uses her muscles everyday.

Long Story Short

Well, as short as I can make it. During the Texas Winter Storm in February my grandma’s power went out. She had two choices:

  • She could freeze to death as the temperatures dropped to 1 degree and lower
  • She could evacuate to the hospital

She thought she’d be safe at the hospital so she chose that. We even contacted her Doctor many times before we were able to reach her and she said she was in the safest place she could be.

That was not true

From day one we could not get a hold of the hospital. We called but no answer. When we finally got through, we were scolded for not being there. Even though Covid Restrictions would not allow it. Otherwise, her family would have been there to protect her. We asked for information about her, like is she walking. We informed them of her handicap which they completely ignored.

They had it recorded that she fell and was left alone. She never fell and she was not alone.

The miscommunication and unprofessionalism went on and on and on. We got her into a nursing home and then a rehabilitation center. Unfortunately, just one day of her not walking was too much. Her body was already deteriorating. They even yelled at us when we inquired about her walking. They said, “She was like that when she got here!” They lost all her clothes and her purse.

They even called on a Friday evening at 5pm to tell us she’s being released to our care the next morning. We managed to get them to extend it to Monday. Her plumbing still needed to be repaired from the storm damage.

It was a nightmare.

In Less than One Month

When she left our care she was walking, aware, and living independently. And in less than a month in the medical community’s care she can no longer walk. She needs 24/7 care. And she was accepted into Hospice. She has a ton of life in her but unfortunately she was given a death sentence because that’s the unfortunate truth of leaving her handicap untreated.

Go Fund Me

We like to work hard and take care of ourselves without begging for help. But my grandma doesn’t qualify for Medicaid. We were not prepared for something like this because we still had time to get prepared since she was in such good health. Her Doctor spent all of 2020 telling us she’s too healthy, which is why we couldn’t get physical therapy for her or even a prescription for a new walker.

She’s no longer too healthy.

I hate to beg. But we have gotten desperate enough to go ahead and create a Go Fund Me page. The prices for Hospice care are astronomical. If she can afford to go to a facility she will be cared for better than we can do for her. Even if we can hire in-home care for her, that is extremely expensive and will eat her money up in less than a month. Getting care for her is just not an option.

And Hospice and medicare don’t cover much. https://www.gofundme.com/f/vc38z

We need a Hospice Facility

So, I am writing this blog post to reach out to anyone who has it on their heart to donate money so that we can afford to get her the care she needs and deserves. We are innocent victims. She doesn’t even understand why she can’t walk. She’s been diagnosed with dementia as well and it has increased in severity during all of this. She still tries to stand which only does more damage to her skeleton and increases her pain.

That’s another thing. Her pain is excruciating but nobody will acknowledge her handicap, so she has to be an even stronger warrior than she’s ever had to be and white knuckle it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and please do whatever God puts on your heart. I don’t want to be greedy but my goal is to get her enough donations to afford a Hospice Facility. She probably needs a few months at the most. I’m not quite sure, but anything we can do to help her will be appreciated.

My poor grandma would be embarrassed to know I am doing this. And the picture of her on the go fund me page is when she was screaming in pain while having her diaper changed. I’m so sorry to share something so bad.

And please share the link and story.

Go Fund Me Link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/vc38z